yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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