some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
