Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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