I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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