The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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