Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
