I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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