she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
