sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
