My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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