I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the day after is always just damage control
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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