I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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