My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
