i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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