Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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