there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
try to milk me bitch
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