On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
