I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
