all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is classic penis vs brain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
