i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize