You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
