all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
