i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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