I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize