So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
