I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
