my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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