This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
