oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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