so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
