I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
