Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
