Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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