Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
