i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
