I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
third nipple confirmed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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