4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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