yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You ruined the universe
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
