So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
