I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am spending my child support on dildos
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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