I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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