Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
