I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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