we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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