That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
