im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
