Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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