So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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