she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
