Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
