So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish there were birth control emojis
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
