wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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