My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize