I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
