Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize