I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
