The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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