btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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