I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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