yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
