was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
