Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
