what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
