Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
