I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
