My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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