I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
