yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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