Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
