She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
