I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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