Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
