Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
