She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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