WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
