she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
