This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
