I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
