He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
3 2 1 whiskey
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
