Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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