So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
