I wish I only lived at night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
