i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
