Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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