i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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