when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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