Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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