last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
