That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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