I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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