He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
