so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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