I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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