I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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