so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
