One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
