Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
