i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
