zippers are such a cool invention
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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