i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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