Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize