His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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