I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
