well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i dont even know how to be here
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
